Page 75 - Talane Miedaner - Coach Yourself to a New Career_ 7 Steps to Reinventing Your Professional Life (2010)

STEP 2: IDENTIFY YOUR PERSONAL REQUIREMENTS 63

kept their voices completely neutral and calm. I made it clear:
if you raise your voice to the customer or get angry, you’re
on your own. The atmosphere of our branch transformed in
one week. Customers started to treat staff with respect. The
branch became a pleasant place to work and went from being a
madhouse to being a quiet, tranquil setting. I knew we had suc-
ceeded when a gentleman came in to tell me he chose to bank
at our branch because it had the best atmosphere in the entire
neighborhood.

Are Boundaries Controlling?

Some people are concerned that having boundaries is about con-
trolling others. This is a free country: aren’t people entitled to
do or say whatever they want as long as they’re not breaking any
laws? Yes, they are, and you are entitled to choose whether to stick
around. Boundaries are not about controlling others. People will
do what they want. Boundaries are about protecting yourself from
others. When you inform people, you are simply teaching them
how to treat you.
Everyone has different boundaries. It may not bother you if
someone is late to meet you for an appointment, while that behav-
ior may infuriate another person. Since people have different
boundaries, it helps if you inform others of yours by gently tell-
ing them at the first infraction. Do not wait. It is much easier to
stay calm and neutral if you address things immediately. Here is a
sample dialogue:
“Do you realize you are ten minutes late?”
“So sorry; I was stuck in traffic.”
“Of course, I know you respect my time.”
Let the other party make a graceful retreat, and reinforce the
behavior you want—respect. Do not gloss over this! Most people
think, “Oh, this is the first time it’s happened,” or, “It is just a small
thing, so I won’t make a fuss.” This is precisely the time to inform.
You might say, “This is our first appointment, so you had no way