Page 31 - Crucial Conversations

WHAfS A CRUCIAL CONVERSATION? 1 3

heated discussions, they learned that people fall into three cate­
gories-those who digress into threats and name-calling, those
who revert to silent fuming, and those who speak openly, hon­
estly , and effectively.
Mter watching dozens of couples, the two scholars predicted
relationship outcomes and tracked their research subjects' rela­
tionships for the next ten years. Sure enough, they had predicted
nearly 90 percent of the divorces that occurred.2 Over time, cou­
ples who found a way to state their opinions about high-stakes,
controversial, and emotional issues honestly and respectfully
remained together. Those who didn't, split up.
Now, what about you? Think of your own important relation­
ships. Are there a few crucial conversations that you're current­
ly avoiding or handling poorly? Do you walk away from some
issues only to come charging back into others? Do you hold in
ugly opinions only to have them tumble out as sarcastic remarks
or cheap shots? How about your significant other or family
members? Are they constantly toggling from seething silence to
subtle but costly attacks? When it matters the most (after all,
these are your cherished loved ones), are you on your worst
behavior? If so, you definitely have something to gain by learn­
ing more about how to handle crucial conversations.

Revitalize Your Community

Next, let's look at our neighborhoods and communities. If the fate
of an organization is largely determined by how pivotal conver­
sations are habitually handled, why should the communities that
surround them be any different? The truth is, they aren't.
The difference between the best communities and the good or
the worst is not the number of problems they have. All commu­
nities face problems. Once again, the difference lies in how they
deal with problems. In the best communities, key individuals