Page 70 - Effective communication Skills by Dale King

You can find apps that offer meditations that are designed to help you deal

with hard emotions. This is a great way to label thought distortions and bring
your mind back into your breathing, living body.

Spotting Defensive Communication

The way we say and what we say can create a communication climate or the

emotional tone. If you have a communication climate that is destructive could
have bad impacts on the conversation.

If you make people feel comfortable while talking to you, they will speak
openly and share things with you. If they feel uneasy during a conversation,
they might just shut down. This goes back to the fact that humans can behave
like other animals when we get stressed: we will either run away or attack
(flight or fight).

There are specific patterns that can decrease or increase defensiveness
between people. Six behaviors could trigger a defensive reaction. Among
these is lack of concern, hidden motives, or judgmental language.

If you see any of these behaviors, you might react in a defensive manner
without even knowing it. Your muscles tense, your arms might be crossed in
front of your body, or you might freeze. You can’t perceive emotions, values,

or motives because you take a lot of time and energy on defending ourselves
and the message gets completely lost.

There are also six contrasting behaviors that could help keep a supportive
climate like openness to finding solutions, respect, and wanting to
understand.

Below are the 12 behavioral characteristics divided by defensive or
supportive communication climates:

1. Supportive

Spontaneity: being direct or straightforward

Provisionalism: willing to investigate

Empathy: are worth love

Equality: being polite and respecting everybody