Page 69 - Effective communication Skills by Dale King

This happens when you exaggerate any negative consequences. If your

partner doesn’t respond to your message quickly or they don’t call you when
they are supposed to, you automatically think they have fallen for someone
else.

This trap is dangerous because our minds like to “close the gap.” You will
look for information to feel your thoughts, and after you have made the
decision that your partner has been unfaithful, you will see evidence
everywhere.

2. Thinking Only in Black and White

The two of you agreed to meet up in a few months. A few days later, they tell
you that June isn’t a good time for them. You automatically decide that they
aren’t willing to make June work and you don’t want to see them at all.

There isn’t any room for any gradient; it is only black or white with you.

3. Emotional Reasoning

After you have hung up the phone, you feel misunderstood. The conversation
didn’t flow the way you thought it should and you are feeling low and
anxious. You figure that since you feel like this, it has to be true. This
thinking trap and won’t be helpful when trying to create a positive
relationship.

The best way to get out of this trap is to be able to recognize it. When you
realize what happened, you will be able to pull yourself out of the spiral of

negative thoughts.

Tell yourself that many events are very neutral. It’s the way you look at them
that will place them in categories of either bad or good. You might see your
partner on Facebook after you have finished talking to them, but that is only a
fact. There isn’t any reason to judge or interpret it. Let yourself adjust your
lens and focus on you. Do you have anything planned for the rest of the day?

The things you focus on will grow. You have to invest in your thoughts
wisely. This means you have to change your focus. A good way to do this is

by using mindfulness, which means you are in a non-judgmental presence in
each moment. Being mindful could help calm those wild thoughts.
Meditation could also reduce cognitive and emotional bias.