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Strive for Self-Mastery 77

CHART 3.3 (Continued) Twos: Levels of Self-Mastery

Descriptions
Twos with moderate self-mastery often have many friends
and/or are at the center of social groups or institutions. They
read people well and tend to engage others through flattery,
giving attention, doing favors, and other forms of interpersonal
behavior—such as showing warmth—that are sometimes
sincere, but sometimes not. They may also be emotional,
aggressive, and hovering. Having difficulty saying no, they
often orchestrate interpersonal dynamics behind the scenes.
They can be compassionate and helpful, often offering useful
advice that they expect others to take.
Example: If Jill had a negative feeling about someone, that
person wouldn’t know it unless he or she was part of Jill’s
inner circle. With this group of friends, Jill shared what she
really thought about everyone, and these comments were
often far more negative than any comments she expressed
directly to the individuals involved.
Low self-mastery The Manipulator
Core fear: Being unwanted, discarded, and deemed
intrinsically unworthy.
Twos with low self-mastery can be master manipulators,
using guilt, blame, or shame to control others. These Twos
fall into psychological despair, then try to make the other
person feel responsible. When their efforts are thwarted,
these Twos will use full force to get what they want, but will
take no responsibility for their unproductive behavior.
Example: Although Vince had been a well-respected
executive coach, he felt threatened when the organizations
with which he worked began to use other coaches as well.
He not only became more prescriptive and controlling with
his clients, but also began to systematically undermine his
competitors with people he knew in the client organizations.

Development Stretches for Twos

SPEND TIME ALONE Engage in solo activities that allow you either
to reflect or to do nice things for yourself (self-nurturing). When
alone, Twos have a tendency to maintain contact with others
through e-mails, phone calls, or even just thinking about someone
else. Time spent truly alone will give you the chance to pay more
attention to your inner experience instead of continually diverting
your focus to others.