Page 73 - Crucial Conversations

LEARN TO LOOK 55

Frankly, most people have trouble pulling themselves away from
the tractor beam of the argument at hand. Then you've got the
problem other people present as they employ all kinds of tactics.
Y o u've got to watch them like a hawk. It's little wonder that pay­
ing close attention to your own behavior tends to take a back­
seat. Besides, it's not like you can actually step out of your body
and observe yourself. Y o u're on the wrong side of your eyeballs.
Low selfmonitors. The truth is, we all have trouble monitor­
ing our own behavior at times. We usually lose any semblance of
social sensitivity when we become so consumed with ideas and
causes that we lose track of what we're doing. We try to bully
our way through. We speak when we shouldn't. We do things
that don't work-all in the name of a cause. We eventually
become so unaware that we become a bit like this fellow of Jack
Handy's invention.

«People were always talking about how mean this guy was
who lived on our block. But I decided to go see for myself.
I went to his door, but he said he wasn't the mean guy, the
mean guy lived in that house over there. 'No, you stupid
idiot,' I said, 'that's my house. '"
Unfortunately, when you fail to monitor your own behavior,
you can look pretty silly. For example, you're talking to your
spouse about the fact that he or she left you sitting at the auto
repair shop for over an hour. After pointing out that it was a sim­
ple misunderstanding, your spouse exclaims: "You don't have to
get angry."
Then you utter those famous words: "I'm not angry!"
Of course, you're spraying spit as you shout out your denial,
and the vein on your forehead has swelled to the size of a teenage
python. You, quite naturally, don't see the inconsistency in your
response. You're in the middle of the whole thing, and you don't
upprcciatc it onc bit whcn your spouse laughs at you.