Page 160 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

that to your advantage. When your partner tells you about

various events and experiences in their life, always think how

you can relate those experiences to your own life. It does not

have to be exactly the same experience; sometimes it is

sufficient that just one part is a little similar. If you can find

such a situation in your life, share it with the person. An
example in which experiences are not identical may be a

situation where someone tells you how they broke their arm

riding a bike. If you have ever broken a finger playing

basketball, it is a great time to mention it. I often use it when I

have an individual coaching session with someone. When, for
example, my client starts telling me how much he is tormented

by his internal dialogues which do not allow him to fall asleep,

I will surely mention that I had a similar problem some time

ago and that I managed to solve it. This way he knows that I

experienced the same and that I can help him.

Matching experiences is a very strong element of the

rapport, because it creates the impression that two people have

a similar or even common past.

Beliefs and values. When you talk to someone, try noticing

what kind of values this person is guided by. Try to determine
what the most important thing to them is. For example, if

health holds the first place in their value system, you can

mention, “Health is extremely important indeed, because it

enables us to enjoy everything else we are given in our lives,”

etc. Very simple yet effective. Where else can you use it?
Before you go to a work interview, you can check the

interviewer’s profiles on social media. Is your boss-to-be a

religious person? You can mention about how you traveled

around South America and was in awe of people being not