Page 85 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

7. Use “difficult people” silver bullets. First and

foremost, use boundary statements. They are usually

based on, “Would you like A or would you like B

(you can’t have both)?” In this instance, when

somebody is trying to get your help while being

verbally aggressive, you might say, “Sir, I do want to
help you and address your problem, but not if you’re

going to keep your voice raised.” Then, you would

use the so-called empowering statement, e.g.,

“Would you like to take a few minutes before we

continue our conversation or have a cup of tea? Are
you ready to continue now?” Another smart thing to

do is to use the so-called “preemptive attack,” which

comes down to alerting someone that what you’re

going to say is going to aggravate the person a little

bit. The more you jump around and try to hide it, the
more difficult it will be for you to eventually say and

as hard to acknowledge for your conversation

partner. The more you warn your interlocutor that

what you’re saying is difficult, the less difficult it

will be for them. So you can say, “I’m terribly sorry
Mr. Smith. I know it will be extremely frustrating for

you, but your car won’t be ready today. We will have

to lend you a different model and your car will be

ready tomorrow morning.” That lets the person know

that you understand the situation is bad and also
saves you even more frustration by the end of

conversation. The last wise thing to do is to validate

people, even the difficult ones. Even phrases like, “I

can see why,” “I understand you were really angry,”

or, “Oh, that’s really bad!” can be helpful (unless you