Page 90 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

more annoying. After two or three times, he would start asking

me if I was going to change his tires, then he went even further

and started calling me “lost postman,” “fired mechanic” and

“delivery boy.” What I didn’t know then was you should

always call these people out on their abusive behavior. If

they say mean things in public (and that’s what they usually
do), you need to address their behaviors in public. If you

don’t, they will continue doing it more and more aggressively.

These people usually have an issue of some sort with you, but

they are either too scared and not strong enough to say it

directly to you or they can’t do it in a given situation. Here’s
what you should do:

1. Repeat what they said.

2. Clarify their behavior.

3. Ask a closed question to confirm or deny their

intentions.

When that “blue pants” thing happened again, this time at a
business conference in front of our entire department, I looked

at him with a serious tone and facial expression and asked

him, “Christian, when you asked me again at which discount

store I bought my suit pants and told me I looked like a

delivery boy, what I’m thinking is that you are trying to
belittle me in front of our co-workers. Is that what you are

trying to do?” You simply want to repeat their behavior, clarify

their intentions (“Was that your true intention?”, “Is that what

you wanted to do here?”, etc.) and then ask them a closed

question (yes/no) to call them on their actions and make them

either confirm or deny their intention in a clear and

professional way. These three simple steps tell these people