Page 93 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

you?” (Mind you that this question shouldn’t be aggressive or

mean. Actually, being very polite is much more confusing and

works a whole lot better). Then, when you get your “yes” or

“no” you ask, “What were we talking about?” to either change

the topic or totally confuse the challenging person.

Coping with “Judges”

We all know people who feel the urgent need to judge others

and make everybody listen to their comments on everyone and

everything around them. Sometimes it might be a good idea to

simply ignore it (non-reactive people have more power in
social relations), but sometimes enough is enough. Few know

that dealing with this kind of person is actually not that

difficult at all. All you have to do is repeat the judgement

while super-exaggerating it and then ask a distorted clarifying

question. This simple, yet effective trick is something I

actually learned from my mother.

I remember when I was a teenager, my mum had this

colleague from her work, Ms. Jacqueline, that she sometimes

invited over for a coffee. She was a nice person overall, but

very much into judging others and criticizing everything and
everyone entirely too often. Once she made a mistake and

commented on my behavior (“The music he listens to is really

aggressive and difficult to get along with!”). Then, fifteen

minutes later, she told my mum that my sister, who was

several years older than me, should have been married long
ago. My mum probably had enough of her judgements that day

and she said, “When you say you believe my daughter should

have been married a long time now, are you saying that she’s

too ugly or too dumb to find herself a decent man?” Ms.

Jacqueline almost spilled her coffee on her pink dress, covered