Page 97 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

is simple. You need to remember this simple script: “The

subject here is not XYZ; the subject is…”

So for example, you might say: “The subject here is not

what you did in your previous company; the subject is how we

are going to deal with this project…” or, “We are not talking
about Jack’s parents and their parenting methods; we are

talking about how far away that party is from our home and

your big exam tomorrow.” Of course, these people might also

say different things like, “We could do that project better if

only we had more people/more funds etc.,” but it’s essentially
the same meaning. Again, you need to use “the subject is not”

technique. So, in this instance you might reply, “I agree with

that, but the subject is not what we could do with more funds

we don’t have right now. We are discussing what we can do in

our actual position.” Very simple, yet effective.

Coping with “The Steamroller (or Tank)”

Also called “hostile aggressive” by psychologists,

steamrollers are people who try to run over you to get what

they want. They try to overwhelm, bully and intimidate other

people, often throwing in cutting remarks. They are mean and
rude to you, intentionally and directly, verbally offending you

and sometimes even threatening you, which sets them apart

from “exploders”. It’s another type of person you shouldn’t

hang around with, but if you can’t avoid it, here are some tips

that will help you deal with this most difficult type of person.
First of all, you need to remember that what these people are

trying to do is to make you angry and lift your emotions to

their level. You can’t let them do it. You need to keep eye

contact, stay calm and assertive. A good idea is to let them go

and go at the beginning, allowing them to unwind. When they