Page 95 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

people are difficult is because it’s working for them. The best

technique you want to have in your pocket is called “DTU” –

“Do the Unexpected.” When aggressive people shout, get

intense and into your face, they either expect you to start

shouting back at them (usually not a good solution) or

surrender and give up. When you do something else, they
usually snap and lose their temper. One good idea is…to

actually agree with them. This is one of the best “silver

bullets” you can use when it comes to dealing with this kind of

verbally aggressive person. Let’s say that you are working in a

bank and one of your clients comes to you, yelling that his two
dollars disappeared from his bank account due to some kind of

online error. He says that he’s so upset, it’s thievery, a scandal,

that he will call the police, the military and an exorcist and sue

you and all your family if you don’t give him his two bucks.

The best thing you can do in this kind of situation is to say
something along the lines of, “Yes sir, you are right. I agree

that two dollars is a substantial loss and an unacceptable

error…” What you would do here is look for some nugget of

rationality in their exploding madness. While remembering

that everyone is using different mental maps, moral values and
acting according to different beliefs, you need to realize that

behind all of their unreasonable communication, they are

usually upset about something that’s easy to be upset about.

When they start exploding, they normally expect a fight. By

agreeing with them, you show them you are on their side,
which allows you to solve the problem much faster.

Naturally, if you have these people in your social circle as

colleagues or friends, you should do everything to avoid them

as often as possible, if you can afford that.