Page 96 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

If you really need to disagree with them, start by agreeing

(finding bits of rationality in their aggression, like stated

above) and then, once they calm down, disagree

constructively. If it’s possible, you can put the

blame/responsibility on someone else. For example, say, “If

my boss was here, he might say…” and then express your
disagreement. Then, ask a question. “How would you solve

this problem?” or, “What would be the perfect solution for you

here?” Listen to their answer and say something along the

lines of, “Your idea is interesting, but I cannot agree with

(repeat the exact spot of disagreement using their words).” For
instance: “Your idea is creative and inspiring, but I cannot

agree that five hundred dollars as compensation would be a

good fit for both sides of this dispute. We don’t have to agree

on everything, though, and we can work out another mutually

agreeable solution, can’t we?” Adding the “Can’t we?” is very
important. Then you need to stop and listen again. Push the

idea that you can agree to and still get along, avoiding the

disagreement and moving onto something more constructive

and desirable.

Coping with “The Diverter”

Anyone constantly trying to divert your attention from the

subject at hand to what everyone else does, etc. is called a

“diverter.” It could be a person in your company who usually

says something along the lines of, “In my previous company

we used to do this differently,” or, “With our previous
manager, we never…” It can also be a teenager who wants to

go to a party and when you don’t allow it you hear something

like, “But Jack’s parents allow him to go!!” The solution here