Page 88 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

Again, remember that these bullet points are about

difficult conversations, not normal communication.

How to Fully Disengage

Imagine you are dealing with a difficult customer, your

annoying boss or anyone else who is just eating at you and has
gotten you off track. If you really want to let that go, instead of

saying to yourself, “Let that go. Surrender to the moment. I’m

at peace,” which may be effective, but not in this kind of

situation, you want to do this simple 3-step process. First of

all, you want to start with disengaging physically. Many
people grab a coffee, a cigarette, or a beer, for example, and

then turn on the TV. Don’t do that! Go for a walk! If you can

find a place to stretch or do a few pushups, do it immediately!

Go for a bike ride or exercise for fifteen minutes. If you do it

on a daily basis, you will notice that after you finish, you will
feel differently. Exercise forces your body to release

endorphins, which makes you feel good. Then, you need to

disengage mentally. Begin with asking yourself, “What are the

objective facts?” Then ask what your role and their role in this

matter are, as well as what options you have. For instance,
“They called me an imbecile!” That’s their role. What’s your

role in this? If you think, “My role is nothing,” you’re wrong.

It might be, “In fact, I believe what they said,” or, “I feel

disrespected and humiliated. I don’t understand them,” or, “I

got too emotional and acted like a silly kid, throwing names
back at them and now I feel dumb.” That’s your role in this.

Lastly, consider your options. It might be, “I can just ignore

it,” “I can honestly talk to them about what happened,” or, “I

can stop seeing them,” or, “I can just decide that it’s OK they

are calling me that, it’s not really my problem.” Once you have