Page 45 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

- “Glass of bourbon?”

- “No.”

How much time will it take until you get irritated? Negation

in itself is reactive—it applies to the already existing reality
without constructive creation of the future, which leaves the

person you’re speaking with no possibility of solving the

problem. It brings especially negative consequences for small

children. By hearing what they are not supposed to do, they

are not able to create a proactive attitude for seeking solutions

in themselves. It is because our brain does not really
recognize negations—a proposition not to think about pink

elephants will end up with failure, because what you hear

(despite the negation), the brain will process anyway. Next

time, when someone tells you, “I do not want to get at you,

but…” you will know that they most probably want to get at
you. Instead of saying to your employee: “Don’t respond to a

customer that way,” explain how exactly you want that person

to respond. Rule number three: what you say must be

positively formulated.

4. Are You Talking To Others Or To Yourself?

“Understand it,” “Know what, I’m talking to you,” “You

feel me” … Other people cannot understand you in the way

you want to be understood, because that can only be done by

yourself. No one can be responsible for the mental and

emotional processes of other people, as in the end it is you
who decides what you think and how you feel, apart from

whether your interlocutor (person who takes part in a dialogue

or conversation) triggers and stimulates it or not.