Page 307 - Effective Communication Soft Skills Strategies For Success by Nitin Bhatnagar, Mamta Bhatnagar

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Assertiveness Skills | 295

To summarize,
• An ‘I’ statement may have 2 to 4 parts: (a) it is a self-disclosure, referring
to ‘I’, ‘me’, or ‘my’; (b) it expresses a feeling, urge or impulse; (c) it
may describe the other person’s behaviour which is related to your
feelings; and (d) it may indicate what you would like to see changed,
much like an assertive statement.
• Assume responsibility for your feelings and opinions, and don’t hide
behind the ‘it’ or the editorial ‘we’.

• Avoid stating personal opinions as facts and avoid the over-general-
izations sometimes implied by forms of the verb ‘to be’, like ‘are’, ‘is’,
‘am’, and so on.
• Clearly, giving an ‘I’ statement is more constructive than giving an
order, an accusation, a moral judgment, and so on. However, this is
not an easy concept to grasp. The pronoun ‘you’ is used all the time,
many uses are not bad. Try to become aware of the undesirable ways
you use ‘you’.

Look for Opportunities to Use ‘I’ Statements
Review the examples of ‘you’ and ‘we’ statements above and see if any remind
you of possible situations in your life. If so, make some notes on how you
could handle such situations differently in the future and perhaps plan to
arrange an opportunity to try out ‘I’ statements.
Pay special attention to stressful relationships or when you want to com-
municate in sensitive, areas, such as sex, anger, submissiveness and others.

Practise Giving ‘I’ Messages in Your Daily Conversations
Most of us find it hard to change our speech patterns. We feel awkward.
‘I’ statements seem counter to what we have been taught in English classes,
‘Don’t say I, I, I’. We are self-conscious about focusing on ourselves. It takes
practise to get comfortable with ‘I’ statements. Role-playing may be a good
way to start seeing how well they work.
Keep watching for opportunities in casual conversations to express a feel-
ing or an opinion tactfully. Act quickly, as soon as you are aware of a feeling
say, ‘I am feeling. . .’ . Most people are interested in genuine feelings, especially
if the feelings involve them. It is nourishment for growing friendships.
Tell yourself that one of the best ways to resolve a conflict is for all relevant
factors to be considered in arriving at a ‘no-lose’ solution. Your feelings, needs,
and preferences are important factors! So are the other person’s. Feelings have
to be shared, diplomatically.

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