Page 297 - Effective Communication Soft Skills Strategies For Success by Nitin Bhatnagar, Mamta Bhatnagar

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Assertiveness Skills | 285

Aggressive behaviour is based on the belief that:
• Your own needs, wants, and opinions are more important than other
people’s.
• You have rights but other people do not

• You have something to contribute; others have little or nothing to
contribute.
The aim of aggression is to win, if necessary, at the expense of others.
Examples of the three different behaviours are as follows:

Situation: Taking an unsatisfactory letter back to the person who
produced it.
Assertion: ‘Sarita, I’d like you to re-do this letter as there are several
mistakes in it.’
Non-assertion: You find an excuse not to take the letter back, or you
say. ‘I know it is .... any chance at all you could find a spare minute to —
just change one or two small things on this letter for me.’
Aggression: ‘I don’t know how you’ve got the nerve to give me this
sort of stuff for signing. It is full of mistakes.’

Verbal Aspects of Aggression, Assertion, and Non-assertion
The following table discusses the various verbal aspects of aggressive, assertive,
and non-assertive behaviours:

Table 13.1 Verbal Aspects of Aggressive, Assertive, and Non-assertive Behaviours
Non-assertive Assertive Aggressive
Long, rambling statements Statements that are brief, clear, Excess of ‘I’ statements
and to the point
Fill in words (e.g., may be) ‘I’ statements: ‘I’ would like Boastfulness: ‘my’

Frequent justifications Distinctions between fact and Threatening questions
opinion
Apologies and permission Suggestions not weighed with Requests as instructions or
seekers advice threats
Few ‘I’ statements No ‘shoulds’ or ‘oughts’ Heavily weighed advice in the
form of should and ought
Self put-downs (‘I am hopeless’) Questions to find out the thoughts, Assumptions
opinions and wants of others
Phrases that dismiss own needs Constructive criticism without Blame put on others
(for example, ‘not important really’) blame or assumptions

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